Winter In His Heart
by RK Otaku
Summary: Soujirou's reflections after the fateful fight at Shishio's hideout COMPLETE


Title: Kokoro ni fuyu (Winter In His Heart)

Author: RK Otaku

Rating: K

Genre: Angst/ General

Summary: Soujirou 's reflections after the fateful fight in Shishio's hideout.

Disclaimer: This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment, _not_ for any profit. Rurouni Kenshin belongs to Watsuki san, Shueisha, Jump Comics and Sony.

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11th year of Meiji (1879)

Somewhere outskirts Kyoto

The chilly autumn air wuthered into the imposing pine trees, bringing with it the promise of harsh winters and early snow. The moon shone down in its cold beauty, its silvery gaze like an unsheathed katana, conveying its hostility to strangers. It was a night where most mortals shuttered themselves into their warm homes, listening to the wind rattling their shoji.

But a certain young man lay down by the riverside, his back resting on a plum tree- trunk, quite oblivious to the moon's threat. He was very much a youngster, looking no older than sixteen, if one could ignore his eyes, holding in them a pain and anguish most had not experienced in their life times. They stared unseeing into the turbulent waters of the rapidly- flowing stream, lost in his thoughts. He was clad in a flimsy blue gi and hakama, yet he never shivered, never moved, as if… as if the cold around him didn't exist. Or maybe… just maybe, because the frigid wind was nowhere near as cold as the winter in his heart.

Soujirou could still remember the horror, the panic that had spread through Kyoto faster than wildfire. People screaming, pointing at Mount Hiei as flames of hatred and dust licked at the evening sky. Anji had advised him to hasten away, and _he_ certainly had no desire to linger around when the police squad arrived.

He had walked and walked till his battered body could take no more. Away from Kyoto. Away from this madness.

Three people closest to him had died in the blaze. Shishio-sama, Yumi nee-san. _Kami-sama bring peace to their souls._ And the Tenken. Hai, he had relinquished that part of himself to the old life. From that day, only Seta Soujirou lived.

A man who wanted to live peacefully in a new age. He had left everything, everything that had belonged to the Tenken behind. He had no weapon, no shelter against the cruel wind and cold, not a single coin to his name. Just the clothes on his back and his beliefs. The world could unleash its harsh cruelties on him, and this time he would be unable to get back at it. Now he was at the mercy of the world. _But he would learn._

For the first time in many years, Seta Soujirou, aged eighteen, felt utterly helpless. Even when he lived with his so-called 'family', where he was beaten and bruised for days on end, he could still ignore the emptiness in his heart and find solace in his smile. When he was the Tenken, he could shut out his inner conscience screaming at him behind the smile devoid of any emotion, and proceed to carry out whatever merciless act he was ordered. But now, Soujirou the rurouni couldn't have that small comfort.

He absently fingered the intricate tracing of bandages on his chest… and suddenly jerked as pain ripped through him. Himura- san's Hirameki, which had got him to see the light at last, had slashed right across his torso. The wound, though deep in places had mercifully not ruptured any internal organs. Of course, he didn't want to risk asking for help from a villager. An endless procession of police swarmed the old capital city after the incident and the villagers would be on high alert for a certain smiling escaped assassin. And besides, anyone with wounds like his would be a sure suspicion.

The sharp scent of the crushed herbs applied on his wounds wafted to his nostrils. He had improvised with his inner shirt to form a sling for his broken ribs, and cobwebs to stem the bleeding from the gashes. Obviously, there had been no need to employ such…such primitive methods when he had been under Shishio-sama's wing. But he was thankful for this skill, a relic of his shattered childhood.

_Where would he go? What would he do for survival? Wakaranai. _

_Just pine away and die_… Seemed fit after what _he_ had done. It would be so easy to give in to the temptation, to end this pain in one swift move. To sink into oblivion where there would be no anguish, no guilt for his already tormented soul. His mind was a whirlpool of questions. With a wry smile, he shook his head, as if clearing all doubts from his head.

_Zettai tsuyoku naru._

I shall be strong.

The stars would guide his way… because for the first time, he was free, liberated.

After all, it was his first day in the new life he had embraced. A life of non- killing, a journey to regain the soul he had long lost eight years ago. Those decisions he had made were going to last his lifetime.

Tomorrow was a new day. And that's why he would live… he would live for the sake of the people who sacrificed themselves to bring their country to peace. He would live because there were countless people who needed his help. He would live to bring his homeland a better future.

He would live for tomorrow.

Waves of exhaustion washed over him. Sleep, a welcome ghost was already numbing his mind for a few blessed hours.

Indeed, he would live for tomorrow.

Owari.

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**Japanese glossary**

Katana- Japanese sword

Shoji- Japanese paper door with a wooden frame.

Gi- the upper garment that was contemporary to men in the Meiji era.

Hakama- the flared, trouser- like garment. What Kaoru wears for kendo practice.

Sama- Lord/ Lady. A form of address showing respect to anyone superior.

Nee-san – Elder sister.

Tenken- lit 'Heavenly Sword'. A title given to Soujirou.

Rurouni- RK lingo for wanderer. There is no such word in a Japanese dictionary.

Hirameki- (Ama kakeru ryu no hirameki) The succession technique of the Hiten Mitsurugi.

Wakaranai- I don't know.

Zettai tsuyoku naru- I shall be strong.

Owari- the end.

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Author's note: **R &R onegai! (Makes puppy dog eyes) My very first fanfic. So please be kind.**

**Yes, cobwebs actually have the property to stem bleeding, but there is always the risk of getting an infection. So, it probably wasn't a widely used method. But then Soujirou can either bleed to death, or have an infection- he really doesn't have a choice.**

**I know this type of fanfic is very common, but I just couldn't resist throwing my lot in with the rest. Kindly review. It doesn't take more than half a minute, but it gives authors a HUUGE high!**

**Jaa ne….**


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